Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize