you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
