tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I need to wash the frat house off of me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
