i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
