so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
