You just made me feel so damn special
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
