I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You were trust falling into bushes
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
