YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
