and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
