3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
