I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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