I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i dont even know how to be here
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
