no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
