Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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