Don't you send me to vm
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
