Where is the hickey?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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