alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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