Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I wear drunk well.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
