If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
