it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
