I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
