Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I will be naked everywhere
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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