Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm too high and old for this...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder meâ€
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
