is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
a search helicopter?!
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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