I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
