Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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