He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
