guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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