thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
