worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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