She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
