I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you didnt know i had herpes?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
