Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
17 year olds will be the death of me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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