i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
