I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
