Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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