I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
