we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
