I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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