hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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