Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
