I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
