friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
She's like a pop up book from hell.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
