Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
