Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
