In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize