I think I won the penis lottery.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it was like eating out sand paper
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
