READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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