We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
