Will you blow on my dice?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
