You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
