the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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