my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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