He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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