Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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