He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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