He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
