I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
