my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
