Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
