How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
