You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
