Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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