summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
