It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
