i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Pants 0. Shit 1.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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