she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Success! We fucked roommates!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
