Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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