Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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