when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
God, you're like boner-b-gone
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize