What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
