Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize